Revolutionize Your Well-being: Nurturing Your People, Tools, and Practice Self Care for a Balanced Life
This January, I gave birth to my second child. Hurrah! Three days later, my six-year old spiked a fever so high she was rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance. Not hurrah - I was a wreck. My husband posted on Facebook asking for support, and before we knew it my fridge was so full I could hardly open it without a cascade of tacos, casseroles, and really good beer threatening to attack me.
I was - and still am - overwhelmed and grateful for the outpouring of support. Eating all those tacos while breastfeeding my son gave me time to reflect that we tend to get support when our lives are really good or really bad but not when they’re just…coasting along, kind of hard but not catastrophic. And that support far too often is confined to our personal lives. But what about the day to day stresses of work? We can’t pretend that we leave our personal lives at the door between 9am and 5pm, particularly when we work in emotionally-taxing social justice fields.
January is often a time of big ideas and big planning - resolutions at home, goal setting at work. And, if you’re in development, you’re also processing thank you gifts, refreshing your development plan, and calendaring board meetings. But, this is coming off end-of-year giving - our busiest time of year! - and a time of significant burnout. So, instead of resolutions, goals, and to-dos this year, I’m updating my “professional self-care system” and reflecting on the people, tools, and practice I have to make sure that I am not burning out.
Radical Self Care & a Real Support System
It wasn’t until I started really engaging in the Community Centric Fundraising Movement and anti-racist training that I learned that the concept of self-care came from Audre Lorde as an act of resistance. I only knew self care as it had been co-opted by capitalism: bubble baths, massages, and glasses of wine. IIt wasn’t until I was a mother and an entrepreneur that I realized a critical part of my self-care was the people, tools, and systems upon which I relied. And last year, as I explored how I could better live, parent, run a company, and show up as a friend/peer/colleague, I started writing down my self-care support system, or my “toolkit”.
A self-care system - like self care in general - is often touted as important to one’s mental health and overall wellness. But what exactly is that support system? The list usually includes exercise, diet, sleep, mindfulness, and more. It often also only shows up when we’re not okay - like after a birth or a hospitalization like we experienced.
But what about our day-to-day wellness? How can we build a toolkit that we use every day, and that supports us as much at work as it does at home?
Building My Self-Care Toolkit as a Social Impact Entrepreneur
I’ve proudly been in therapy for 16 years, and gratefully take an SSRI every day to keep my brain chemistry happy, so I consider myself as adjusted as your average millennial who graduated during the 2009 recession and parented a two-year-old through the COVID-19 pandemic. My self-care support system, though, turned out to be a lot wider and more tactical than just weekly therapy.
My People
“Staying connected” is on the list of recommended self-care activities, but what exactly does that mean? I’m a consummate extrovert, so the people around me not only fill my cup, they’re a hugely critical part of me staying happy and centered.
My Giant Squid Group team is on the top of my professional self-care system. We have meaty conversations about all aspects of our work, but also spend time laughing about the antics of our kids, sharing dog photos, and discussing weekend plans. I know that whether I need to process a decision, celebrate a win, or just share an idea, my team is there. This wasn’t always the case in previous work settings, and it may not be true for you (although I hope that you do have some support within your work environment!)
My Online Mom Group. When my daughter was born in 2017, I found a group of moms on Reddit. Seven of us slowly migrated to a private Slack channel. Fast forward seven years later and we have matching tattoos, have celebrated weddings, divorces, losses, and wins, and talk every single day. These women are also some of the smartest women I know, so they’ve become my sounding board for everything from marital gripes to - you guessed it - work.
Having a group of peers who are managers, leaders, entrepreneurs and friends means I can bring my most vulnerable challenges and get real feedback and support.“Ride or Die” key vendors and clients. There are people in my virtual rolodex that I know I can text with any question or problem, from where to order last minute signs to how to handle a contract challenge. Those who know me well know that I’m still sad I had to say goodbye to my florist when we left Chicago in 2016. That rolodex is an important part of any Development professional’s toolkit!
Furry Friends: Not people, but maybe better? Being with horses is a hugely important part of my wellness. It’s not uncommon for me to take work calls while out at the farm where I board my rescue pony. I’ll groom her, feed treats to the herd, and soak up the equine healing.
Read More: Why Good Development Staff Leave So Often
Tools
One thing that I realized as I started really exploring my self-care support system was how much I needed to rely on external tools. Like so many of us, my day-to-day is hectic: two businesses, a kindergartener and an infant; and a small army of rescue animals mean our days are hectic and loud. Throw in a chronic illness and I realized I had to outsource my brain.
I adopted voice to text for just about everything - from writing blog posts like this on my phone, to sending messages to my team. It saves my carpal tunnel and helps me brain dump when my brain is at its best.
Tech tools like Zapier, Sunsama, Google Workspace, and ChatGPT help me work more efficiently. I learned just because I can do something doesn’t mean I can’t outsource it to a tech tool.
Did I mention I like to work while hanging out with my horse? My phone hotspot is a go-to tool for me. I can work in the car, at a picnic bench, you name it. That’s not to say I’m always working - I choose those times to mix head-down work and outdoor time sparling, but when it’s a beautiful day and I have writing work or fun phone calls, a change of scenery fills my cup.
Read More: 30 Minutes To Use Your Fundraising Technology Better! ⏰
Practice
I think this is where most people will share that they exercise, pray, meditate, and eat salad. I can only aspire to be that person. For me, my practice includes:
Every day naps. See: chronic illness. I’m always exhausted so a daily nap isn’t a luxury, it’s absolutely critical.
Crafting. It’s my meditation. I crochet on calls, embroider while watching TV, and create laser-cut creations on the weekends.
“Beach Reading”: My extroverted self finds it hard to slow down and unplug. My meditation practice is pretty pathetic (I’m working on it!) so right now, my go to is audio books that let me unplug, whether I listen to them on my walks or while doing a jigsaw puzzle.
So, this year, my challenge to you is to eschew new year's resolutions for your own self-care support system. Your people, systems, and practice are not optional: they're critical tools for all of us to show up at home, at work, and for our missions. Find what works for you, whether it's taking daily naps or working while hanging out with your furry friend. Make self-care a priority and watch as it positively impacts your work and overall well-being. You deserve it! Now go and create your own self-care toolkit. Your future self will thank you.